nelson causland

There’s a rhythm to it all .There ‘s something of a political lull in Norneverland so they’re on the radio discussing things like bins and recycyling waste again. It’ll not be long before the conversation wends to kicking a can down the road and discussing people dropping litter ,or errant dog- owners  allowing wee Fifi or Snookums to shit  willy-nilly on the pavement. I currently have four waste bins at the moment. All colour-coded, mind. There are brown , grey, blue and black ones and  there’s always the possibility that there’ll be  even more to come.

I’ll need a bigger enclosure out there beside the oil-tank. Two of them are wheelie bins and two of them are boxes.  There is  one for general  household waste  and one for garden compost.Then there’s one for glass and cardboard and one for paper and cans.It’s quite an exercise to remember which items go where . When senility finally claims me , I could be arrested by the Waste Police….There is also some arcane instruction as to the disposal of batteries and a few other extraneous bits and pieces that escape me at the moment ..My one recommendation would be that the bin for wine bottles would be a little bigger.The powers- that- be should give some consideration to  those retired folks with  all that free time on their hands to indulge their bibulous  desires…and the consequences of that ….anyway…

The DUP { that’s the Democratic Unionist Party} are crying “foul” that they’ve not been invited to take part in any forthcoming  television debates involving the Tories , Labour and the Liberals concerning the upcoming Westminster  elections. They argue that they are quite a big party in terms of representation. They haven’t considered though, that nobody in the rest of the UK actually know anything about them, want to listen to them at all … and that they are avidly ignored by the majority of the general population in the UK.

“Who are these people ?”… will be the cry. They’d be safer  keeping that bright light hidden under the proverbial bushel ,saying nothing and keeping shtum at all costs , because if the general populace ever discover that they been landed with a huge superating parasite  called Norneverland, busily sucking down their life’s blood like a varroa mite  on a honeybee, they might start up with  some very noisy questions.

I dare say that if you asked the man in the street anything about Norneverland , they’d be hard-pressed to give any answers. Some of the older inhabitants might have some vague memory of the killing spree of some twenty years ago, but unless they had some military connection, the end years of the twentieth century in Norneverland , meant very little to them anyway. If the DUP want to encourage thoughts of a  future United Ireland, they couldn’t do any better than wheeling on their squad of glum , stoic visages. They could then tell the rest of the UK about their support for Creationism., their fear of foreigners, their avid hatred of homo-sexuals, their love of censorship…and on …and on …and on. Oh they’d make a mark alright, but not necessarily in the way they’d want to . It would be akin to awakening.a sleeping dragon.If the British people actually realised how much it costs to keep Norneverland in the comparative luxury that we avidly enjoy, compared to the poor taxpayer  across the Irish Sea, they might actually ask themselves why they should bother doing that at all.

Most watching would be dumbstruck at the near -medieval  beliefs in the Old Testament and the belief that the world was  only 6000 years old.They’d be amazed at the support for religious bigotry,anti-culturalism and the  way that the much -heralded agreements  made between the two tribes  had never been implemented and were really only a bit of window -dressing to  isolate the crazier gun-toting elements and allow their own British Boys some freedom to travel further afield and fight wars in a warmer climate instead.

Maybe it’s not time to indulge in any dodgy “debates”…They’d be safer re-reading “Gulliver’s Travels” or “Alice  Through the Looking Glass”.

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