At last Arlene Foster, leader of the DUP, has surfaced like some multi -toothed …erm….crocodile .Aye “crocodile” is the current buzzword for “bogeyman” or possibly for Irish Nationalism itself, as the DUP(Democratic Unionist Party) prepares for battle in the coming election …Maybe she’d been watching Walt Disney’s version of “Peter Pan” and heard that old ticking clock that Mr Crocodile had swallowed in Neverland ….tick….tock….tick…tock…tick…tock…
It’s all about time and timing and maybe even about time running out…..tick…tock…tick …tock…tick……tock……tick….tock…..
Or maybe not . Maybe her fellow ministers are not really sharpening their knives in the background in readiness to do a David Cameron on her and shower her back with knife stings..
…Et tu Brute….er …Sammy!!
Maybe Wee Sammy and the rest of the sour unphotogenic gang really do want to keep her as a scapegoat for a short while longer to see if her popularity still stretches beyond the streets of her homeland .One of them , Nelson McCausland ,was on the radio this morning and he claimed that after visiting two thousand homes while out canvassing , he only encountered two people who were not enjoying all those lovely DUP scandals .Only two people objected so far out of two thousand .That’s a pretty good result , isn’t it?As a phone-in caller who described himself as a now-sceptical DUP supporter, pressed him harder , Nelson couldn’t really remember the details of where the two thousand people lived , mind.Maybe it was all a dream. At that point he made his excuses and hurriedly left the studio.
Something seems to have annoyed the DUP and finally roused Arlene ,the one-time First Minister of Norneverland from her torpor. I suppose it’s understandable that the party thought that they could simply continue with their series of episodic scandals forever and no -one would pay any mind .These kinds of repetitive habits can be difficult to break. It’s a bit like one of those syndromes that are on a spectrum of some sort .You know , something like Aspergers or OCD. Scandals seem to be the DUP’s version of lining up the cans in the pantry in alphabetical order or not stepping on the pavement cracks while out walking ….one of those little quirks which makes their lives bearable for the sufferer .I suppose there might even be a “DUP Syndrome ” joining that list on the Autism Spectrum which many suffer from. I suppose we are all on some kind of spectrum in this mad fairy-tale land .We take eccentricity in our lives and in our politicians for granted , mostly.Hardly anyone really expects them to be able to actually “do” politics anyway, so we’re never really surprised when another scandal comes by or the government collapses and there’s another excuse to get out and do a bit of electioneering and telling the odd lie .
We love all that and we are mostly willing to accept anything…..Man….we’ve been through some material in this past ten years .It’s like one of those long boxsets like “Lost”, “Homeland” or “the Affair” which has launched onto yet another season when you know that your chain is being pulled and the show has long since run out of steam and any new ideas.The writers have thrown in everything but the kitchen sink so far , so you are not even expecting the thing to be resolved or to even make any sense in the end.
The RHI Scandal, the Ash for Cash Scandal, the Muslims Only Fit To Go Shopping Scandal , The Red Sky Scandal, the Ashers Bakery Gay Scandal, the Ban the Play Scandal, the Mrs Robinson Assorted Dolly Mixture Bag of Scandals, the NAMA Scandal and more to come …. Guess who’s fingerprints are all over that little lot.Have I missed any? have I left a few out? it’s very easy to get confused.Oh what about the Pantomime Hokey Cokey Ministers in Government Scandal. Yes the DUP have always played it all for money and laughs , haven’t they? …and of course we all loved to have a good laugh at them too. It had to come to an end at sometime of course, especially when the little bit of power went to the First Minister’s head and she had to be surgically removed before she went insane..
I suppose the DUP might enter the text books in another generation or so as something like “Duplicitous Unwarranted Political Shenanigans Syndrome , possibly.It will be described as :
“….a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and verbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.This will be characterised by leanings towards paranoid behaviour. The belief that they alone , as citizens ,are allowed to screw up the finances of the country, steal money whenever they like,are allowed to promote racism and bigotry and promote an agenda of hatred .When required to play their part in a Joint administration they believe that they alone are really running the place and do as they please.”
Oh here comes that bloody crocodile again……..