THE MADNESS OF THE QUEEN

mad-queen-hi

Even when deposed and cast from her throne the Mad Queen of Norneverland continued to rant to her ex-courtiers that none of it was her fault.some of them gathered in fear to comfort her but it was to no avail because they had already also quaffed down the same hallucinogenic venom that a dastardly spy had spiked all their afternoon tea with.

“What do you mean we are out of a job?” they howled in unison.”You told us we had jobs for life!” They were by this point as mad as a box of hungry stoats and they dearly needed something to bite on. Some ground their teeth to stumps but Lord Gregory Brokenmouth was already sharpening his own depleted stumps on one of the chair-legs, while picking splinters from his bleeding gums.iI wouldn’t be long before they resorted to their cannibalistic tendencies and began to devour their young. Something had to be done before the people turned on the court and consigned each one of them to a slow dive from the turrets to be left floundering in the stink-filled moat. The murky waters were already stained by the yellowish ordure of the more weak-minded vegetarians who had already jumped.

“Corruption! Corruption! Corruption!
What the hell do they mean by corruption? There’s no such thing in Norneverland politics .This is how it’s always been done .Those on top of the pile get to dip their beaks ,first .That’s the natural order of things ….always has been!! We did it for fifty years before those wretches started marching on the streets and shouting to the high stars about civil rights and all that bloody claptrap!! .Jeeeezis they turned it into a bloody war eventually but I thought we had cooled it all down again and fobbed the buggers off.!!!Can’t they see that this is how it’s meant to be? We were bred to rule the roost over those ingrates.What other natural way could there possibly be? ” squealed the queen , tearing a wadge of hair from Broken mouth as she whirled to face the leaded window.

There was much screaming, echoing to the high -arched ceilings of the hall. Hollow strangled shrieks were bouncing like bat squeaks or the sour, broken Durante trills of the cawing, captive ravens.The ravens were also feeling the sting of inactivity and ached for the freedom of the skies. There ‘d be no more messages for them to carry for the forseeable future though.Like everyone else, they had found themselves unemployed. They cawed for food now.
“it was that bloody Good Friday Agreement that put us into this position .All that talk about sharing power with these black, grimy plebians and allowing them to make decisions.It’s bloody ridiculous….unheard of!! How was that ever going to work?They’d no sooner be into the palace than every racket and scandal we ever got up to would be uncovered sooner or later!”
“What’s this Good Friday Agreement? ” , ventured the deposed queen , turning to stare at her courtier with a scrotum – shrivelling set to her blank, dead gaze.
“Well….. that Agreement was cobbled together with the help of Westminster and those southern Irish republican ministers ….i think that the Americans might’ve had a hand in it too and maybe even that damnable EU .It’s a whole lot of old tosh about”parity of esteem” and “equality” and other bits of drivel like that .It was of no real consequence at all”, ventured the underling.
“What!!!?” screamed the mad queen .””Have any of the rest of you ever heard this nonsense before? Who agreed to this imfamy? How long has this been going on?”
“What!!!!!!!!!!!!????????….You say……. Twenty years?!!!!!!”Did you just say twenty years?!!! Take that fool to the cells “,screamed the queen.
“Why did no one tell me about this nonsense before?”
“Well …..we thought it didn’t really matter.It never mattered before!” mumbled the assorted bootlickers, as one, their heads bowed in supplication.

“Get me a quill and parchment , immediately , you daft , foolish slackers…I’m going to write a new proclamation …and it’ll be made law .You mark my words.” ..the queen screamed at the blank wall.
When the servant arrived back with the necessary accoutrements of sealing wax, vellum, ink , powder and the rest ,she quickly dipped the quill into the crimson ink and began with a flourish to scratch out yet another edict as they watched uncomfortably from the side.

“It is clear that the plebians’ actions are not principled, they are political. they have been designed to overthrow the throne……”

“Let me make it clear Queen Arlene will always defend her subjects and stand up for what is best for Norneverland and it appears from the Deputy First Minister’s resignation letter that is what annoys you ungrateful plebs the most.We will not allow your bloody equality agenda .how could I rule under such circumstances?.”
At the door the orderly quietly slipped the teatime tray of soft comestibles throught tha narrow hatch at the bottom , while sliding the latch back in one smooth, well-oiled motion.He did not bother unlocking it. It was obvious that the drug was alreading having an effect.Maybe he’d have a quieter night tonight….