Ha ha .You’ve got to laugh .
All the cliches come true sometime .A week is a very long time in politics is a big one and had you been on holidays this past week or fortnight, clearing your mind, relaxing with the news switched off , you’d have arrived back to a very different world.The chaos meeting you might be overwhelming.Someone , in your absence, had completely ransacked your home and re-arranged all your furniture outside on the lawn. Thank the stars there’s always humour to be winkled out of the mess.As you sat on your retrieved ,pillaged sofa on the lawn with a light mizzle blowing down ,there’d be plenty of time to think and catch up.
Ex Lord Mayor of London, Boris Johnston, led the charge , galumping chaotically along like some latter-day Billy Bunter ,with his baby-faced ,scheming buddy Michael Gove, gunslinging by his side , to promote Brexit …the UK’s exit from the European Union.Somewhere in the shadows the unwholesome Nigel Farage of the UKIP party also continued to spread his loose lies and untruths about immigration, like some slack-jawed, boggling malcontented puppet which had escaped from a lost episode of “Thunderbirds” or “Lady Penelope” . It wasn’t that Boris actually wanted the result that he got , but he thought it would be the height of hijinks …a great huffing jape to place himself as the fallen hero of the hour when David Cameron’s campaign to stay in the EU won the day . Boris actually wanted to lose but instead was handed a victory. The furthest thing from his mind or his family was that voters would actually really vote to leave Europe. If they did , what the hell would anyone do? Nobody had a clue…not a bloody notion … and nobody wanted to think about any of that. Boris thought he’d look like the guy who rattled the cage for those who wanted to give the “foreign” EU a bloody nose and thus prepare him for a plum job as the new Prime Minister when the disillusioned populace next voted for a brand new leader. His sister Rachel told him he was an idiot, but she still loved him even as she cried salt -tears and pretended to herself that he wasn’t really her brother…well …every expert on the planet had told him he was an idiot already…..what was she going to tell her friends?
You can imagine his horror on the morning at breakfast-time when the vote came in and everyone in England except all those on his home-patch in London voted to leave . He must have choked on his toast and kippers. He certainly looked as though someone had walked across his grave. the very blood drained from his wan face .What was he to do now that the thing he’d pretended to wish for had actually come true? Whether he was ever a real candidate for PM of the UK was always something of a wonder anyway. I think many took the idea as something of a gag…possibly even Boris himself. In the event , his boss David Cameron dropped him into the ordure very quickly by promising to resign , if not immediately, very soon after his long Summer holidays. Cameron had no notion what the UK could do outside the EU so he was leaving it to those who pretended they knew already and he was going to let them stew in their own juices all summer while he exhaled loudly.
He was about to upset Boris’s summer holiday plans by handing him the stinking , poisonous chalice that he , Boris ,had presumably been grasping for. Suddenly Boris wasn’t so sure he wanted a taste of that after all and began to seriously worry about whether or not he had a political future of any sort , anymore.Cameron had stabbed him in the back and left him breathless…Well , what else could Cameron do ? What would anyone do in a similar situation?
For a while Boris was quiet, but then as the fear set in and the chattering classes flung their hands up in horror at the choices facing them, the demand arose for a new Prime Minister immediately. Somebody …any…(bloody)…body was needed right away to clean up this awful mess and give the people someone to blame . Boris’s old running buddy, Gove ,decided to throw his hat into the ring for the Big Job.What he planned to do with it was anybody’s guess , but the very idea was another knife in Boris’s back. Gove had only eyes for England anyway and to hell with the rest of the UK.They could take a running jump and would do what he said.
Until this point , the assumption has been that Boris was an ambitious fellow , brought up on privileges that most folk in the UK would never have shared.It makes you wonder why any working-man would vote for such a creature at all. He might have been personally a likeable enough fellow but did he know anything about “real life”?He was from old Tory stock and literally bred to assume some kind of political power over his lesser well-educated fellows ; of an elite, Eton -educated after all, he was always an ambitious cove. He’d risen as a clowning popular figure to be Mayor of London.People enjoyed his blustering antics because, I suppose, he appeared to be somewhat harmless in his broad humour, but beneath that fascade there was surely something of more substance? Did the humour hide a fine political mind or was the floppy dumb- blonde pose every bit as much a mask as Norma Jean’s alter ego Marilyn Monroe was for her ?
If it did hide a fine political brain , he’d miscalculated badly , because his London town was the same London that voted against him overwhelmingly to stay in the EU ,so you might imagine that all of his calculations were either for fun’s sake ….for a laugh…. for a pretence like some student caper….or he really believed that London would vote to exit the EU. I think the whole nationwide result was such a surprise to him, inured from the reality outside the capital ,that he was actually suffering from shock.The result has left Boris as something of a pathetic, damaged figure ,unfit to assume power of any kind, out- manoeuvered by “friends” close to him for years who had been one-step ahead unbeknownst to him. Then again , politics is not the kind of game where you ever really know who your real friends are.
In the end , as you sit on that apres -holiday damp sofa on your mizzling lawn , pondering the mess you’ve returned to , you might yet be facing a summer of revolution in a land divided so badly that it could easily fracture and a growing demand to overturn the decision of the people by a possibly desparate act of Parliament. The very limits of democracy have been exposed as bare and dangerous wires , sparking madly and suicidal, to boot. It’s looking to many that democracy only works when people fully understand the issues they are voting for and it is patently obvious that many do not and have made important choices which they might not have been best qualified to make.It might be an easier option to take a breather and encourage such a revolutionary idea ,than to actually carry through with the choice that an utterly confused, lied -to and manipulated public have made.
Either way, it looks like the end of several political careers.