Thank the stars that none of it is compulsory! You know , they haven’t brought out some daft law making us all do the same things at the same time.
What did I say about a month ago about the “flegs” suddenly blossoming overnight as if heralded by some unseen omen or call from across nature .They bloomed overnight just as I predicted. Does someone tell them to do that ? You know, the way it always seems to happen at a given ,agreed signal. Does anyone remember “The Indian Love Call”…”When I’m calling you…ooooo… ” …Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald? …No ? Before your time …I’m not surprised , it was before mine too!!….Anyway…
You know, the things that run through your mind. I’m thinking, It must be some kind of group telepathy,like the pre-ordained opening of buttercups .The same way that the honeybees swarm. The way it usually happens is like this. I’m doing something else, entirely .I could be over in the corner starting to dig my own coalmine or killing time putting a few strings on one of the guitars.Maybe thinking about cutting the grass or starting to cook up a spaghetti or one of my special chipotle all-bean chillies or maybe just a baked spud, a steak and some salad .
I’m thinking about the bones of a story I might be able to cobble together out of a series of memories or wilding, mad , errant thoughts, or meditating about going into town to buy some fish or wine .The daily medicine ..Usually the bees will swarm at the wrong time on a really hot day, which , as we know ,can be rare enough in Ireland and I’ll be having a nice cup of tea in the garden with my back to all the action .
If you’ve never experienced this before , it can be either very instructional or downright frightening.You’ll understand this if a swarm ever lands in your garden. There’ll be an unearthly noise like a jet engine starting up a few feet away ,which I’ll choose to momentarily ignore, having had a whole frequency of my hearing removed at a Who concert at the Oval cricket ground back in September 1971. That’s usually my excuse for not hearing what new position my wife wants me to move some furniture around the house.. again. . . It’s that thing that women love to do isn’t it?
My wife will say .”I think the bees are at it again!” and will sidle crab-like, but briskly, in the direction of the kitchen door. I’ll turn around and there’ll be a mini cyclone of maybe 50,000 very active bees ramping up to scarper off to a new and more salubrious home. Of course ,they don’t know that they’ll never, in their lives ,chance into better digs than those I already provide….but this ‘ll lead us all into another whole yarn so….
The flags have appeared overnight and you’ve got to give credit where credit is due . They’ve managed to get them in some amazing places . A guy has actually gone to the bother of putting one of those little pole holders on his chimney stack . He must have taken out the old Black and Decker drill and climbed up there with the four rawlplugs and screws in his fist to attach the thing. Then , overnight he’s climbed up to fix his big flag .That takes …a certain kind of dedication. Well maybe dedication mightn’t be the right word something like that borders on a mellow psychosis ,I suppose .Who’d want to be at it , when you think about.? Count all the things on your Bucket List of things to do before you die .where would putting a flag on your chimney figure in that Grand Scheme? I don’t think it would merit even a thought in mine . We’re all different of course . We’ve all our own curious ways of going crazy haven’t we?
At the moment there’s a huge dispute because a bunch of men want to walk up and down a road .It’s the kind of thing that brings down governments in this neck of the woods .Who could make that one up ? Then in Dublin there’s a whole ruckus about a country singer called Garth Brooks playing too many concerts .The locals, obviously not big country music fans, by the sound of it, are not having it and he’s not even doing it in the street either.This is inside a Big Stadium.Mr Brooks doesn’t want to do it somewhere elseon the road. His fans are having conniptions , some of them having already travelled thousands of miles to await and adore their in coming hero …who appears to be having second thoughts now at the thought of a dwindling money pot and may not even bother…..
The world , of course, is full of mad people, doing mad things and none of us are exempt.
It’s like the bonfires again , isn’t it? they’ll light them on the 11th night of July as is their collective wont.{My mother used to say ..”He has a wee wont in him , that one”}… They’ll burn flags and emblems and assorted latter day Popes, saints , scholars and possibly the odd immigrant , and make offerings to the God of Lambeg Thunder. They’re even planning on poisoning the whole of Carrickfergus {“I wish i wasn’t …in Carrickfergus, only for nights in…”} by igniting a huge pagan carcinogenic mountain of illegal rubber tyres, bringing the electricity power lines down while they’re at it. Well you have to let them have a bit of fun when school gets out, haven’t you ?
For myself …. while the detritus of these burning pyres is smouldering meekly and exhausted in the early hours of the Twelth Day and well -Buckfasted , smoke bleary-eyed ,youthful pyromaniacs are feasting on potatoes cooking in the ashes, children sleeping soundly, if not choked to death behind their melting doors and windows, I will be hurtling down the motorway , airport -bound. PK will be at the wheel as he attempts the land/speed record .You see Neil Young and Crazy Horse are playing at an arena gig across the Irish Sea the following day and I’m going to be there.
That’s my particular way of going crazy .It beats walking about in circles, hands down…but I’m glad it’s not compulsory either.

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